oscars round up

Ok, so here we go with my hits and misses of this year's Oscars.  Please bear in mind that while watching the stars on the red carpet, I was in the kitchen,  knee deep in quiche, macaroni cheese & beef schnitzel while wearing an apron and a sweaty brow, so, you know, I probably won't get the call to guest star on Fashion Police anytime soon but if they ever do call, rest assured they'd be very well fed.

First cab off the rank is Charlize Theron.  Wearing a gorgeous peplum number with a side of pixie cut.  Amaze....

Speaking of pixie cuts, here's how to get one that makes you look 65.  And don't even get me started on the necklace arrangement.  Or the nipples.  Which actually aren't her nipples, but rather the poorly sewn seams on her frock. I mean, I could've sewn it better and I can't even thread a machine....

Hold the line caller, we have a winner.  Stunning from head to toe.  Even if she could do with inhaling a pie or two and ditching the weird british/aussie/south african accent  Just be Australian already!.....

And from the "Why Is She Even Here/Please Explain/WTF?" files comes Brandi from The Real Housewives of Who Gives A Crap (Scott's title, not mine.  I love the show sick.)  This dress is so bad I can't even think of anything polite to say.  Although oddly enough, I'm suddenly craving flat pancakes....

And here we have Joan Collins.  Looking awesome for 72....

And finally, can we all just take a moment to discuss Reece.  The hair!  The gown, meh, not so much, but the hair.  When I grow up I want hair just like that.   Everyday.  Even when I'm doing the groceries.  How about you?

Other highlights were the theme from Jaws being played when winners spoke for too long (genius) and Channing Tatum dancing with Charlize Theron was stunning, even if it did feel like we were watching The Tony Awards (all singing, all dancing, not a movie reference in sight).  On a sadder note, it was a  shame Bradley Cooper wasn't shirtless and George Clooney wasn't exactly rocking the beard arrangement he had going on, but still.  Not bad eye candy for this Desperate Housewife.